I’m a type-A yoga teacher.
I’ve powered through many things over the years and still taught.
But this time, despite my constant message to my students of “do no harm,” I see how I’m not walking the talk for myself and I have no choice but to capitulate!
You see, CoVID has kicked my ass! A month ago I was diagnosed with the virus. It flattened me for a good 10 days, I lost my smell and taste and all of my energy.
I slammed vitamin C, D, took echinacea, elderberry syrup, hot ginger tea. I ate oranges and lemon honey tea. I did everything I could to get better.
And I did.
Get better.
Then I made the fatal mistake after about two and a half weeks and re-entered life full throttle. I got back to teaching, made calls, went for some walks and talks. Oh, and I started a dance/movement practice in the mornings! (go figure!) By the end of the week, my energy had waned, my lungs were irritated, and I could feel the downward spiral coming.
“Ok, ok, I’ll rest this weekend,” I compromised with the virus. I’d already been suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out) by not being able to get together with the few friends I see for walks. My inner child did not want to be stuck at home as the world opened up and we could DO things – together!
I WANTED to be better.
I wanted to be healed.
I wanted to feel good.
Well, that’s nice. “But you’re not better,” my inner voice reminded me.
“You NEED to rest.
CoVID is kicking your ass and it’s time to sit on the sidelines.”
After a tiny rest stint, I pushed through to teach and immediately felt the repercussions. Achy lungs, and even more tired.
I could see the future. I’d have to cancel more classes.
I immediately began negotiating with myself.
“Ok, ok, how about you just teach classes and cancel ALL social contact, phone calls, walks. Keep your energy to teach? How about that?”
I tried it for two days.
Bam.
Slammed.
Hit my wall.
Lungs began screaming.
I called the doctor to make an appointment.
And then I realized I was losing the battle. No lungs meant no energy. No energy meant no teaching. Much less tending to the tasks of daily life like making breakfast, feeding my dogs, cleaning my house – which at this point is sub-par in cleanliness.
If I flip the perspective, CoVID is giving me time.
To rest.
Something I never do.
It’s giving me time to ponder, to read, to watch TV and movies.
To take slow walks.
To contemplate my next version of life.
I have no choice.
I have to surrender.
Let go.
I can see, I am not in charge!
(the image is from my journal and it’s how my lungs feel)